GLIWICE SPEEDO

The Speed School of English Weekly Newsletter

Monday, October 30, 2006


Welcome to another edition of the Speedo, your friendly informer of all things Speed related. Last week, Gosia and some of the students went to visit Wawel castle in Krakow, and Tanya lectured us about learning styles. Some people showed up to both of these so let’s see if we can get a few more this week.

Advanced Conversation Club
Thursday, 2nd November

Why not come along and chew the fat (chat) with Sean this Thursday. It should be fairly advanced so anyone on stage 9 or above will be able to handle it.

Rock Climbing Club
Friday, 3rd November

Would you say that you were a rather active kind of person? If the answer is yes then make sure you sign up for this at the secretaries’ office.

The History of Halloween
Halloween is a tradition celebrated on the night of October 31, most notably by children dressing in costumes and going door-to-door collecting sweets. It is celebrated in parts of the Western world, though most commonly in the United States, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Puerto Rico, and with increasing popularity in Australia and New Zealand. Halloween originated among the Celts in Ireland, Britain and France as the Pagan Celtic harvest festival, Samhain. Irish, Scots, Calan Gaeaf in Welsh and other immigrants brought versions of the traditions to North America in the 19th century. Most other Western countries have embraced Halloween as a part of American pop culture in the late 20th century.

The term Halloween, and its older spelling Hallowe'en, is shortened from All-hallow-even, as it is the evening before "All Hallows' Day" (also known as "All Saints' Day"). In Ireland, the name was All Hallows' Eve (often shortened to Hallow Eve), and though seldom used today, it is still a well-accepted label.

The Longest Question
Imagine that you are sitting on a beach, let’s say, somewhere in the Carribean, perhaps on a deserted island, miles from the mainland and without food or fresh water, and the sun is beating down causing you to sweat at a rate that you are not accustomed to, causing large sweat patches to appear under your arms and on your back and making it difficult to see because the sweat is getting into your eyes, and you are sitting there wondering how you got there in the first place and also where you left your mobile phone. Would you gather wood and make a fire hoping that a passing ship, perhaps an oil tanker, would see your distress signal and come and rescue you, providing the ship was equipped with a smaller vessel that would enable people to reach the shore, or would you go and find the nearest mobile phone shop (come on, let’s face it – they’re everywhere these days!) and phone a friend or a member of your family and let them know where you were, even though you hadn’t a clue where it was?

[187 words]

Bushism of the Week
“The only thing I know about Slovakia is what I learned firsthand from your foreign minister, who came to Texas.”
- Bush’s meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the prime minister of Slovenia.

Something to do this Halloween
Trick-or-treating, Callan style. This is where you go to someone’s house and instead of just asking for a treat, you ask them Callan questions until they give you a sweet e.g. If you gave everyone in the village a sweet except me, do you think that would be fair?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

This week’s edition by: David

It’s another week, and another edition of the Speedo. As well as your usual news and reviews, we have a new feature, Random British Joke Of The Week. We also have “Bushisms”, crazy words right from the mouth of America’s finest leader. So, enjoy the read, and if you have any feedback then don’t hesitate to let myself or Daniel know!


REVIEWS

FILM CLUB
This was a disappointment! Not a single student attended, so Chris and James went home, crying. Come on guys, show some love!

SNOOKER CLUB
Sunday saw the turn of the Snooker & Pool Club. A little better than the Film Club, one student attended. Artur, take a bow, you know who you are! Four teachers and one student - fantastic. Daniel won the “free beer for the highest break” prize, a rather huge 11. Although Kel did put up a late fight, however he fluffed the final black of the game. Tragic.


NEWS AND EVENTS

STO LAT!!
This week sees the birthday on Tuesday of one of our finest teachers, that ginger Scotsman Sean. He’s rather old (29 to be exact), so don’t forget to give him the birthday bumps when you see him! This is a British tradition – two or three people pick him up and drop him repeatedly on his rear! Fun!

CLUBS THIS WEEK

Tuesday 24th – Intermediate Conversation Club
If you’re not quite advanced enough to challenge Sean to an intellectual battle, why not join Hugh for some less taxing verbal jousting. Generally this is Books 3 & 4, but if you think you are up to the task then you are more than welcome to attend. This is at 7.30pm, usual procedures apply – go to the secretaries’ office to sign up.

Saturday 28th – Travel Club, Kraków
Ever wanted to go out for the day to another town or city? This Saturday some of us will be visiting Kraków, led by Gosia, our resident Polish-Canadian. We’ll take in the sights of this beautiful and ancient city including the Wawel Castle. We leave at 11.15am, travelling by train. Cost is 15zł for entry to Wawel, plus train fare. See the secretaries to sign-up.


LECTURES THIS WEEK

Friday 27th – Learning Styles with Tanya
How do you learn? Why are you good at language and bad at maths? Is there a reason you can’t read a map? Why is a genius so often terrible at everything else? Why can’t you sit still in a Callan lesson? How can you help yourself to remember more English? If you want the answers to these questions and more, come to Tanya’s lecture on learning styles. Great fun is to be had! Sign up at the secretaries’ office, and if you attend bring a pen!


FUN AND OTHER RANDOM STUFF

THE LONGEST QUESTION
If there was a nuclear war, and all the Callan schools and all the Callan books in the world were destroyed, and the only survivors were yourself and a chimpanzee called Eric, who liked to draw pictures of bananas and scratch himself whilst singing “She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah!”, would you give up all hope and throw yourself off the top of the nearest tall building, (or rather the remains of the nearest tall building as most buildings would have been completely destroyed) or would you educate the chimpanzee, called Eric, teach him to speak English and hope that he would meet other chimpanzee survivors and make little baby chimpanzees so that life on Earth could continue?
[118 words]


BUSHISM OF THE WEEK
“I’m honoured to shake the hand of the brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein”

WORD OF THE DAY
SOLILOQUY
(/sə’lIləkwi/) – The act of speaking one’s thoughts aloud while alone. So, talking to yourself! You crazy people!


RANDOM BRITISH JOKE OF THE WEEK
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars.""What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and maybe billions of planets. Astrologically, I notice that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I know that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and unimportant. Meteorologically, I think that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."


See you next week!

Monday, October 16, 2006



Can you think of a funny caption for this photo? e.g. 2 years of Callan teaching and half a pint of lager will do this to you.



Some teachers enjoying themselves at last Saturday's Music Club at the London Pub. Students and teachers were singing along to classic songs from the likes of The Black Crowes and Pink Floyd. How Jeff managed to play for so long without forgetting any of the words, I’ll never know.

This Week:

Snooker & Pool Club, Sunday 22nd October – Is anyone interested in a game of pool? Myself (Daniel) and Kel will be meeting at the pool hall around 2pm this Sunday. Sign up at the secretaries office.

Film Club, Wednesday 18th October – James and Chris will be your hosts for the evening from 7:30pm in room 8. Please put your name on the list in the secretaries office if you want to come.


Welcome

A warm welcome to our new teachers, Caroline and Jolene (USA). I’m sure you’ll get to know them better as the weeks go by.

In other news this week: Sean has bought a new pair of underpants. He’s been saving his money for something special. “They’re perfect”, he told me, “made of plastic so I won’t need to wash them.”

A hole was recently discovered in a nudist camp fence, but the Police have assured everyone that they are looking into it.

Paradigm Time

The verb “to sit” .. sit – sat – sat

The verb “to hit” .. hit – hit – hit

What’s wrong with this sentence?
I hat him and his hat fell off.

The Longest Question

Each week I will attempt to write a longer, more ridiculous question than the longest and most ridiculous question in the Callan Method.

If you were walking down the street and you suddenly felt a burning sensation in your left ear and thought a bee had just stung you but it was in fact a small lump of hot cheese that Marcin had just thrown at you, would you stop and say, “Marcin, why did you just throw a small lump of hot cheese at me?” and then call him something unpleasant, or would you ignore it and continue walking as if nothing had happened and proceed to the nearest shop that sold cheese resistant ear protectors and buy a pair, providing you had enough money?

[103 words]

Word of the Day

Palindrome – a word or phrase that is spelt the same way forwards or backwards e.g. ‘Madam’.


Song Lyrics

“If I was a river you would be my ocean” – Tina Arena
A second conditional (present subjunctive) is used in this song.

“I can’t get no satisfaction” – The Rolling Stones
This is a double negative and is grammatically incorrect in English. It should be: “I can’t get any satisfaction.” Grammatical correctness and Rock ‘n Roll, however, have never been the best of friends.

“We don’t need no education!” – Pink Floyd, Another Brick in the Wall.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

SPEEDO NEWSLETTER
9th – 15th October, 2006.



This week’s edition by: David


OK people, it’s another week and another Callan newsletter. There’s not going to be a great deal in this one, due to the new school year only just starting and everybody running around like headless chickens. Just your average news, reviews and a little something to keep you busy during those long hours in class.



EVENTS THIS WEEK


KIDS CLUB
Wednesday October 11th, 5.30pm
Join Tanya for fun and games! Obviously this is for KIDS, so no 30-year olds wanting to play… Sign up at the secretaries’ office if you want to take part.


MUSIC CLUB
Saturday October 14th, 8pm.

Once again, your chance to see a great one-man band! His name is Jeff, he’s American and I’ve heard he’s rather good. The gig is at the London Pub, Plac Piastów. See the secretaries to sign up, or see Marcin for more information.


LECTURE – AUSTRALIAN RULES FOOTBALL (AFL)
Friday October 13th, 5.30pm

Ever wanted to know more about this strange and violent sport? Then come to a lecture given by our resident Aussie, Kel. Nobody else really knows what AFL is about, so this is the man to answer all your questions. Again, see the secretaries to sign-up.


Well, that’s all for this week. Next week it’s Daniel, so enjoy. As the weeks go by we’ll introduce new and fun features, so keep reading!

We’ll leave you with a little time-filler for the lessons – just don’t let the teachers catch you!



Things to do when you’re bored in a Callan Lesson




1. Push your eyes for interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) - See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things (perhaps your subconscious is trying to send you a message).

2. See how long you can hold your breath
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes) - Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Try to beat your own personal best time.

3. Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) - Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel good?

4. Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) - Pick a random word out of a dictation and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

5. Hurt yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) - What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, it begins to make a picture.

6. Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) - There's not much to say about this one. It is possible.

7. Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) - Make appropriate revving noises in your head and add a racing commentary. Use blinking eyes as turning indicators for extra authenticity.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Hi! The Speedo is now up and running (started). You may have already met some of the new teachers. They are:

Keiran & Linda (Australia)
Daniel & David (England)
Hugh (New Zealand)
Gosia (Canada)

Lynsey (U.S.A)

CLUBS



As you know, we're a busy bunch of people here at Speed, and we're arranging some clubs for people to get involved with:


CONVERSATION CLUB


Come and chew the fat (chat) on Thursday, 5th October. See the secretaries or Sean for more details.



ROCK CLIMBING CLUB


OK, so it won't be exactly like it is in the picture but it'll be a lot of fun! This Friday, 6th October - ask at the office or see Brian.




MUSIC CLUB

This is an opportunity to see a great one-man band! A long-haired, tree-hugging American hippy playing his git-fiddle (guitar). It's at the London Pub on Plac Piastów at 8pm, Saturday, 14th October - ask at the office or see Marcin.



COMING SOON!!!



SNOOKER & POOL CLUB

Have you got what it takes? Details will be posted here and in school.



YOUR NEW EDITORS

Daniel and David are the new editors of the Speedo, so expect a mixture of Scouse (Liverpool) and Geordie (Newcastle) random stuff...




THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

Is falling from the top of a high building good for the health?


>Daniel