This week’s edition by: David

It’s another week, and another edition of the Speedo. As well as your usual news and reviews, we have a new feature, Random British Joke Of The Week. We also have “Bushisms”, crazy words right from the mouth of America’s finest leader. So, enjoy the read, and if you have any feedback then don’t hesitate to let myself or Daniel know!


REVIEWS

FILM CLUB
This was a disappointment! Not a single student attended, so Chris and James went home, crying. Come on guys, show some love!

SNOOKER CLUB
Sunday saw the turn of the Snooker & Pool Club. A little better than the Film Club, one student attended. Artur, take a bow, you know who you are! Four teachers and one student - fantastic. Daniel won the “free beer for the highest break” prize, a rather huge 11. Although Kel did put up a late fight, however he fluffed the final black of the game. Tragic.


NEWS AND EVENTS

STO LAT!!
This week sees the birthday on Tuesday of one of our finest teachers, that ginger Scotsman Sean. He’s rather old (29 to be exact), so don’t forget to give him the birthday bumps when you see him! This is a British tradition – two or three people pick him up and drop him repeatedly on his rear! Fun!

CLUBS THIS WEEK

Tuesday 24th – Intermediate Conversation Club
If you’re not quite advanced enough to challenge Sean to an intellectual battle, why not join Hugh for some less taxing verbal jousting. Generally this is Books 3 & 4, but if you think you are up to the task then you are more than welcome to attend. This is at 7.30pm, usual procedures apply – go to the secretaries’ office to sign up.

Saturday 28th – Travel Club, Kraków
Ever wanted to go out for the day to another town or city? This Saturday some of us will be visiting Kraków, led by Gosia, our resident Polish-Canadian. We’ll take in the sights of this beautiful and ancient city including the Wawel Castle. We leave at 11.15am, travelling by train. Cost is 15zł for entry to Wawel, plus train fare. See the secretaries to sign-up.

LECTURES THIS WEEK

Friday 27th – Learning Styles with Tanya
How do you learn? Why are you good at language and bad at maths? Is there a reason you can’t read a map? Why is a genius so often terrible at everything else? Why can’t you sit still in a Callan lesson? How can you help yourself to remember more English? If you want the answers to these questions and more, come to Tanya’s lecture on learning styles. Great fun is to be had! Sign up at the secretaries’ office, and if you attend bring a pen!


FUN AND OTHER RANDOM STUFF

THE LONGEST QUESTION
If there was a nuclear war, and all the Callan schools and all the Callan books in the world were destroyed, and the only survivors were yourself and a chimpanzee called Eric, who liked to draw pictures of bananas and scratch himself whilst singing “She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah!”, would you give up all hope and throw yourself off the top of the nearest tall building, (or rather the remains of the nearest tall building as most buildings would have been completely destroyed) or would you educate the chimpanzee, called Eric, teach him to speak English and hope that he would meet other chimpanzee survivors and make little baby chimpanzees so that life on Earth could continue?
[118 words]


BUSHISM OF THE WEEK
“I’m honoured to shake the hand of the brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein”

WORD OF THE DAY
SOLILOQUY (/sə’lIləkwi/) – The act of speaking one’s thoughts aloud while alone. So, talking to yourself! You crazy people!


RANDOM BRITISH JOKE OF THE WEEK
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars.""What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and maybe billions of planets. Astrologically, I notice that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I know that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and unimportant. Meteorologically, I think that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."

See you next week!