This week’s edition by: David

Hello, good evening and welcome to this week’s Speedo Newsletter. Unlike last time I wrote, we have a rather busy calendar of events for you. Read on for more information and the next thrilling episode of Bobby Callan…

NEWS

First up is Tai Chi Klub, with Marshall. This is your monthly dose of wellness and spirituality, so if you want to attend see the secretaries. This takes place on Saturday 15th, at 2pm in Room 7.

Next up is Marcin and Daniel’s Music Club. This month, Marcin will actually be attempting to entertain you himself. Of course, he will be ably assisted by the rest of his group, Papilla. Also, you won’t have to travel too far, as it takes place in the Café Cynamon, on Zwycięstwa. Be there or be square on Saturday 29th, at 7pm. Ask Marcin for further information!

Also this month we will have a couple of lectures, from Ryan and Paul. I have no idea what the subjects of these are yet, but keep your eyes peeled for more information. Or you could just harass either of them in the corridor. A much better idea!


ST PATRICK’S DAY

This weekend sees one of the most important events in the year, for everyone! St Patrick’s Day is one of those rare celebrations had by all, irrespective of race, religion or gender. It is an international excuse to drink Guinness, sing songs by The Pogues on karaoke and generally toast the renowned hospitality of the Irish. I will be, as I have Irish blood, and I’m sure other teachers will too.

Also, Marcin will be hosting an Irish-themed get-together at the London Pub on Plac Piastów on Saturday evening at 7pm. Now usually Paddy’s Day (as it is affectionately known) is on the 17th (this year being a Monday) but as it is the closest weekend it makes sense to have it on Saturday!

The Adventures of Bobby Callan – Part Twenty-Two


Bobby turned the page of the atlas. The carelessly-dressed men closed in on them. Miss Brown tugged at Bobby.
“Can’t you do something?” she cried.
“Er, hang on.” Miss Brown noted Bobby’s use of Idiom 1. Bobby turned another page. The surrounding people closed in even further. Miss Brown screamed. It was a deafening scream, the kind that gets you noticed in the street. The men shrank back, a look of terror on their faces. One of them fainted.
“Ah, Miss Brown, that was just the job. Now we can make our escape.” Miss Brown stared blankly, noting Bobby’s use of Idiom 12. Bobby took her hand and they ran through the trees. This time they did not come across a lion.

After a few minutes of running, in which Miss Brown had proved she could run faster than Bobby, they stopped to catch their breath. Bobby looked at Miss Brown, exasperated.
“Why on earth didn’t the atlas work? I can’t stand it when things don’t go my way. It’s driving me round the bend!” Miss Brown wondered if Bobby had hit his head, as he had used Idioms 7, 10 and 28 in one sentence.
“Bobby, why are you using so many idioms today?” she asked.
“In a nutshell, I have no idea what you are on about. I make snap decisions all the time as to what I say.” Idioms 17, 36 and 38. Miss Brown slapped Bobby hard.
“Snap out of it! Can’t you see that it’s getting me down? I am putting my foot down, no more idioms!” She stopped, and realised that she had used Idioms 15 and 31. She was aghast.
“For heaven’s sake! It’s getting on my nerves! It must be some sort of after-effect from the atlas. You use it and it feels so strange. Sometimes I just don’t know if I am coming or going with you Bobby!” Idioms 4, 21 and 29.
“I think you have hit the nail right on the head Miss Brown! Either that or you are pulling my leg with that magical story. I think we had better watch our step with this atlas!” Idioms 13, 14 and 16. Suddenly, there was a scream from the trees. The men had caught up and were running at top speed towards them.
“Quick Bobby, do something!” Miss Brown cried. Bobby opened the atlas at a random page.
“I’m doing this completely off the cuff Miss Brown, so you had better keep your fingers crossed and touch wood. I’ll try not to let you down.” he said. Idioms 6, 39, 43 and 44. He muttered some random words. There was a blinding flash, and the trees disappeared.

Bobby opened his eyes. He was on his back, and the sky above was blue. It was a perfect day, wherever he was. He stood up. It appeared he was on a cruise ship. He walked around, looking for Miss Brown. He asked a passenger where the destination was, and found out they were in the Mediterranean.
“Isn’t that the name of the sea between Europe and North Africa?” he asked.
“Yes, now leave me alone” the passenger said.

Bobby found Miss Brown in the ship’s casino.
“What are you doing here? I thought we were hard up?” he asked.
“Yes, but I have just won at blackjack. They offered me a choice. Either ten thousand pounds now or forty thousand pounds in ten years.”
“My, what a lucky break. I guess we can let ourselves go for a while….”