Conversation Club is this Saturday. See the secretaries for more details. Music Club is next week -- see posters in school for more information.

Puzzles
Replace each letter with the letter that precedes it in the alphabet, and then put the words into the right order:

JTO’U IPVTF CSPXO TUBOEJOH UIF NS CFIJOE



A farmer has to transport a fox, a goose and a sack of grain across a river. The boat is so small that there is room only for him and one of the others at a time, but if he leaves the fox and goose together the fox will kill the goose, and if the goose and the sack of grain are left together the goose will eat the grain. How does he get them all over?


Slang
The English language with its shoes covered in mud.

ain’t /eint/ contracted form of ‘are not’, also used for ‘am not’ and ‘is not’ e.g. you ain’t Mr Brown; he ain’t going. It can also be used for ‘have not’ and ‘has not’ e.g. I ain’t got a car.

doolally /du:΄læli/ mad, crazy e.g. Mr Brown ain’t doolally.

The Adventures of Bobby Callan #17

Finland, land of the Finns; the home of Nokia, Santa Claus, and the sauna. Bobby and Miss Brown floated down from the cloud that had transported them from England. It had been a smooth and comfortable ride, much like rolling along in a car. Bobby imagined that they were somewhere near the capital, Helsinki, judging by the amount of traffic and buildings.
‘What are we to do now?’ asked Miss Brown. Bobby noted her use of the verb “to be” for when we ask about what is possible.
‘Let’s eat,’ Bobby replied enthusiastically. Miss Brown’s eyes travelled to the sky, not literally, of course.
He’s always thinking about food, she thought.

After eating Karjalanpiirakka, a traditional Finnish pastry that neither of them could pronounce the name of, they decided to visit one of the local saunas. Sitting there, naked, surrounded by strangers only just visible through the steam of the sauna, Bobby began to reminisce about his journey so far. He had travelled to England, Argentina, Thailand, and now he was in Finland; but still he was not any closer to finding Robin. He was even starting to doubt that he would ever find him; it was like searching for a needle in a haystack, like searching for someone that didn’t even exist. Then suddenly, as if in a dream, a figure appeared before him. It was Bertrand Russell.
‘You must travel north, young Bobby,’ Bertrand said, and then disappeared almost as quickly as he had appeared. Bobby rubbed his eyes. It can’t have been real, he thought.
‘What’s the matter?’ Miss Brown asked him.
‘Nothing,’ Bobby said. He didn’t want her to think that he was doolally, although she probably already thought so. ‘Why don’t we go to Lapland?’
‘Santa Claus lives there, doesn’t he?’ Miss Brown asked. She had used a tail question in the negative, and so Bobby knew that she was expecting a positive answer.
‘Yes, he does,’ he replied.
‘Great! I’ve always wanted to meet Santa Claus,’ she said excitedly.

They washed before dressing (if they had dressed before washing it would have been like putting the cart before the horse i.e. to do something first which should be done second) and went outside. Bobby took out the magic wand and started waving it about in the air.
‘Take us to Lapland,’ he said. Nothing happened. ‘We want to meet Santa Claus.’ Still nothing.
‘You’re not doing it right,’ Miss Brown said. Then Bobby realised he had run out of magic credits.
‘It’s useless,’ Bobby said. ‘We’ll have to take a train instead.’
They hurried off to the train station.



Next week: Bobby and Miss Brown meet Santa Claus, but will they find Robin Callan? Read next week’s episode to find out…