This week’s edition by: David

Hello, good evening and welcome to the first Speedo of the New Year. We hope you had a great Christmas, a not-too-drunken “Sylwester” and a good start to 2008. It’s all happening thick and fast in the next few weeks, so read on for information on cool events!

--THE SPEED SCHOOL PARTY—

This is the last chance to sign up for the Christmas Party (which is a little late this year), so get yourselves to the secretaries as soon as possible! It takes place this Saturday (12th January) at Club Babilon, starting at 8pm. There will be fun, games and cool live music from Marcin and his group, Papilla. Apparently I am the MC (guy on the microphone), so that is always good for a laugh…

ALSO COMING UP…

This weekend sees Cinema Club with myself and Chris. This month we are going to see a film called National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets with Nicholas Cage. Sign up with the secretaries, and meet at the cinema at 1.30pm on Sunday 13th January. There is also Hiking Club on Saturday, with Paul, and Matt’s lecture on Canada coming up. See the posters at school for more details!


TONGUE TWISTER OF THE WEEK: Try saying it quickly!!

A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.

The Adventures Of Bobby Callan – Part Thirteen

Bobby was puzzled. Was he really talking to Bertrand Russell (the famous philosopher)? Russell looked up and stared directly into Bobby’s eyes. Bobby felt ill at ease, as if the man was trying to delve into Bobby’s soul. He looked away.
“Bobby, do you believe that in the future it will be possible for a man to live until he is two hundred years old?
What a strange question. Bobby thought. I’ve heard that before but I can’t think where.
“No, of course not. Two hundred? You would look like Gandalf!”
“Well son, you better believe it. I, Bertrand Arthur William Russell was actually born in 1872, making me one hundred and thirty-five. I did not die, as is stated on Wikipedia, but I came here. I am also a Fellow of the Royal Society.”
If Bobby had any doubts as to this man’s insanity, then they had all but disappeared.
“I have you know I was also on the wireless for the BBC!”
Bobby had had enough. He began to tie the man’s hands behind his back, as that is the way prisoner is tied. Russell struggled, but was eventually overpowered when Miss Brown delivered a sharp kick to his knee. They marched through the jungle quickly.

After a while, they became lost. Russell was not helping them as he should.
“Bobby, when you lose your way in a large jungle, who do you ask?” Miss Brown asked.
“Well, I’m not sure..” Just at that moment, a man wearing a uniform appeared from behind a tree.
“Hello! I am Thaksin, of the Phetchaburi Tourism Office. How may I be of assistance?”
Bobby and Miss Brown just stared at him, while Russell began to dance up and down and scream like a parrot. Miss Brown slapped him across the face.
“Er… how do you do Mr Thaksin?” Bobby said. Then he remembered what to do when one meets someone for the first time. He held out his hand, to be shook by the guide, and repeated himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he shook hands with a person.
“How do you do, my name is Bobby Callan. We are looking for the caves near Phetchaburi. Would you be so kind as to help us?” Miss Brown noted the use of ‘would’ to be more polite.
“Oh, sure! I was just on my way there myself. I have to deliver this toasted cheese sandwich to an rather strange English man there. Follow me!” the guide said.

Some time later, the four found themselves deep below the jungle, in a massive cavern. Bertrand Russell had stopped screaming, and was now chanting some kind of mantra. What a strange man, Bobby thought. Perhaps he was dropped on his head as a child?
“How much farther do we need to go, Mr Thaksin?” Miss Brown asked. Bobby was surprised she had chosen to use ‘farther’ and not ‘further’, even though they mean the same.
“Oh, not far now. The English man should be just around this corner.” The guide replied. They turned a corner in a tunnel, and saw what looked to be some kind of settlement.
“What can you see in this room Bobby?” Miss Brown asked. Bobby smiled. An easy one.
“I can see a table, some chairs, some people and a strange-looking piece of paper on the wall” he replied. Miss Brown pulled the piece of paper from the wall. It was actually toilet roll. She read the text carefully, as the handwriting was quite awful.

“Dear all. I have left this cave to seek enlightenment in another place. I have learnt all I can here. If you would like to find me, you need to seek out the eagles atop the highest temple .Oh, and thanks for the toasted cheese sandwich. You can have it. I’m not hungry at the moment.”