Present Perfect & Past Simple.
Confused? Try the exercises at this address :

http://web2.uvcs.uvic.ca/elc/studyzone/410/grammar/ppvpast.htm

Well, here we are again. Not a lot happening this week. There was my lecture on Tuesday, which attracted a whole two people. Thanks to those who did come, and to all who didn’t you missed out!

This week all the teachers go to Szczyrk for a nice little weekend trip. I’m sure we will all have a great time!

TESTS


To all those who still have tests outstanding, please book an office hour as soon as possible.

IT REALLY IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU TAKE THESE TESTS!





IDIOM OF THE DAY

To have an ace up one’s sleeve.

This means that you have an effective resource, piece of information or skill kept hidden until it is necessary to use – a kind of secret advantage.

This comes from gambling in card games. People would actually keep an ace up their sleeve (particularly in poker or blackjack) and exchange it for one of their poorer cards in order to win a hand. Today this is not really possible, as there are many security measures to prevent this. In some illegal gambling games, the threat of being physically hurt or killed also dissuaded people from cheating!









The Adventures of Bobby Callan – Part Twenty


Bobby looked at the atlas, puzzled. He turned to the page showing Europe.
“Miss Brown, is it right to say I’m watching the book?” he asked.
“Not really Bobby, you should know that having taught Callan for so long. We ought really to say ‘I’m looking at the book’”.
“Why?”
“Because the book is not moving Bobby. Don’t be so silly.” Miss Brown frowned.
“I know, but I really am watching the book…”
Miss Brown seized the book from Bobby. Jarkko the Finn demonstrated his use of Callan English in practical situations.
“Bobby, in Poland, what do members of the general public do when they see a girl seize a person’s book in Santa’s cottage?” he asked.
“Er, nothing,” Bobby said.
“Ah, ok. So I won’t do anything either.”

Jarkko the Finn sat back in his chair.
Miss Brown gasped, and dropped the atlas. Santa laughed, heartily, as he was amused by a comic event and that’s what people do when amused.
“I see you have noticed that the book is different,” he said.
They all looked at the book, and noticed that the book really was moving. Or rather the pictures in the book were. There was tidal movement, and clouds hovered over land masses. Santa spoke.
“This is a very special book Bobby. If you ask it a question, it will guide you to any point in the world. Providing it is, of course, a geographical question. Tell me a geographical fact, Bobby.”
“The capital of Australia is Canberra,” Bobby replied.

The pages of the book began to flick uncontrollably. When they looked at the book, it was open on the page showing Australia. Bobby gasped, his eyes widening. This was normal behaviour for someone who was surprised. He began to rub his hands. This was normal behaviour for someone who was eager.
“So Santa, you mean this will show me anywhere that I want?”
“Not only that Bobby, it will take you there. Providing you have enough credits, of course.” Santa handed Bobby a card that looked suspiciously like a credit card. It even had the name of a well-known credit card company on it.
“All you have to do is keep up with the monthly payments. Interest is 3%, a low rate given today’s financial climate!”
Bobby wondered how Santa had been able to afford the huge plasma TV. Now he knew.
“I have to make a living somehow Bobby!” Santa said, as if reading Bobby’s mind.
“Can I use it now?” Bobby asked.
“Sure you can, but remember. Overusing it can lead to a huge debt, and I WILL come looking if it is not paid…”
Bobby noted the use of the emphatic ‘will’, and remembered that the emphatic form does not only apply to the verb ‘do’.
“Take us to the last known sighting of Robin Callan!” he commanded. There was a flash, and when he opened his eyes he was standing on top of a mountain in South America.

‘London pub very nice!’ says Borat
Music Club was on Saturday. Jeff Shiffman and company played their usual mix of bluegrass and jazz. Quite a lot of people showed up. Borat wasn’t there, but if he had been there I’m sure he would have enjoyed it too.


Joke of the day
What beer do lions drink?
Hyena-ken.

Marshall’s Tai-Chi Club is this Saturday at 12pm. Sign up with the secretaries if you want to go. Look out for David’s lecture on the Vikings next week – see posters around school for more details.

Word of the day: dreary
adjective (drearier, dreariest).

1. causing sadness or gloom.
2. dull; boring.
3. sorrowful; sad.

e.g. It is a dreary day today.


A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached into your right pocket and found a penny, and you reached into your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's trousers," the boy replied.

Teacher: Tim, you missed school yesterday, didn't you?
Tim: Not a bit!

Teacher: How do you spell "dog"?
Pupil: d, o, g, enter.

http://www.workjoke.com/projoke80.htm


The Adventures of Bobby Callan #19

Bobby, Miss Brown, Jarkko the Finn, and the talking lion were making their way through the forest to meet Santa Claus. Bobby was impressed by the lion’s use of English; his pronunciation was excellent and he also knew lots of big words like “superfluous” and “exhilarating”, words which even Bobby didn’t know.
‘What does “superfluous” mean?’ Miss Brown asked the lion.
‘Unnecessary,’ the lion replied; ‘for example, light clothes are superfluous in Lapland as it is extremely cold.’
‘What had we better do in order to avoid catching a cold in Lapland?’ Bobby asked, smiling.
‘We had better wear warm clothes,’ the lion said.
Jarkko had been drinking vodka from a small bottle and was starting to walk in a crooked line.
‘Hadn’t one better drink less if one doesn’t want to get drunk?’ the lion asked him.
Jarkko mumbled something in Finnish that brought a mild look of surprise to the lion’s face. Bobby did not fully understand what he had said but he knew that Jarkko had made an unpleasant remark about the lion’s mother, which is widely considered to be the best way to insult someone.
‘Impudent fool!’ the lion roared.
Jarkko’s eyes opened wide and his body began to shake, as this is what usually happens when somebody feels very afraid.
Bobby felt like he had been walking for days when they finally reached a clearing in the forest. There was a small house, a cottage one might say, with smoke rising from the chimney and reindeer tied to a wooden post outside.
‘Is this where Santa lives?’ Miss Brown enquired excitedly.
‘Yes,’ said the lion; ‘follow me.’
The lion walked up to the front door and let out a mighty roar which echoed around the forest and sent birds flying in fright. A small, fat, bearded man wearing a red jacket appeared at the door.
‘Ho ho ho,’ the man said; ‘I’m Santa, also known as Saint Nicholas, the man who breaks into your house once a year to leave presents.’
‘Yes, a bit like a burglar; but instead of taking things you leave things,’ Bobby said. The others looked at Bobby disapprovingly.
‘Please excuse my friend,’ the lion said to Santa; ‘he hasn’t been educated in the correct use of manners.’
‘Ho ho ho, nevermind,’ Santa replied and welcomed them all inside.
The cottage was nicely decorated with lots of space-saving furniture courtesy of Ikea, and a forty-two inch plasma screen TV hanging on the wall. Whilst they were eating nuts and drinking herbal tea, Bobby told Santa of his mission to find Robin Callan.
‘Yes, I have heard of this man Robin Callan,’ Santa said leaning back in his rocking chair. ‘I cannot tell you where he is, but I can give you something that might help you find him.’
Santa gave Bobby a book wrapped in brown paper; it was an atlas.

This week’s edition by: David

So here we are, into the shortest month in the Gregorian Calendar. This year is actually a “leap year”, meaning we get an extra day in February. Why is this? Because the length of the year is actually 365¼ days. Now a quarter of a day is quite hard to have, so we just save them up and add an extra day every four years. Genius.

Anyway, read on for the latest adventure starring Bobby Callan and Miss Brown. Also this week we have Music Club, with Marcin and Daniel. This is on Saturday 16th February, at 8pm. This month it’s that man again, Jeff, and his able-fingered assistant Radek. Be at the London Pub for this musical extravaganza!

Also this week sees one of our secretaries, Marta, celebrate her birthday. Make sure you pop into the office and say “many happy returns of the day!”



WORD OF THE DAY (courtesy of Dictionary.com)

eleemosynary \el-uh-MOS-uh-ner-ee\, adjective:
1. Of or for charity; charitable; as, "an eleemosynary institution."
2. Given in charity; having the nature of alms; as, "eleemosynary assistance."
3. Supported by or dependent on charity; as, "the eleemosynary poor."

RANDOM PIECE OF TEXT OF THE WEEK

This week’s subject – Fred the Frog, the picture in Room 5. Courtesy of an anonymous teen student.

“Fred is a very friendly frog. He has got orange eyes and orange hands. He has got a green head and a white stomach. When Fred was young he wanted to be a film star. Now Fred is a painter, because he loves painting. His mum is a tennis player and his father is a dentist. His family haven’t got a surname, because they are frogs. Fred is twenty years old and he has got a girlfriend – her name is Juliet.”

The Adventures Of Bobby Callan – Part Eighteen

Bobby and Miss Brown boarded the train. It was quite full, quite meaning nearly completely. It was one of those old trains, the ones that take three hours to travel 50km. Bobby groaned, as he had experienced these trains before in Poland.
“Wait Bobby” Miss Brown said as Bobby prepared to enter one compartment.
“Don’t you look to see what kind of people are in the part of the train you want to sit in?” she asked.
“Not really. I can’t really choose who I sit next to when the train is quite full. I prefer to just find a seat, and if anyone has a problem with it then they can object.”
They found a compartment that was quite empty, and sat down. The train began to move with an almighty effort. Bobby wondered if it was indeed powered by hamsters. After about half an hour, Bertrand Russell walked in. Bobby jumped up with a start.
“Bertrand, what are you doing here?” he asked. Bertrand just smiled, sat down and promptly fell asleep. He started snoring loudly. Bobby wondered if dreams troubled him at night as they had troubled him recently. Miss Brown nudged him gently.
“Bobby, are you remaining on the chair?” she asked. Bobby shrugged his shoulders.
“Er, yeah. Why?”
“Because I am to go to the observation deck. I want to see the countryside as we travel.” Bobby noted her use of ‘to be’, and wondered if this had been planned for ages.
“Well, be careful. Finland is one of the coldest countries in the world. It is always winter here. And remember that when we go out in winter we ought to put on our hats and coats. I don’t want you to catch your death of cold!”

Several hours later they arrived in Rovaniemi, the provincial capital of Lapland. Bobby wondered aloud whether he could have got there quicker by reindeer. Miss Brown glared at him and walked up to the nearest person. Bertrand had disappeared.
“Excuse me, but we are lost. Could you please direct us to the residence of Santa Claus?” she asked patiently.
“Aha, tervetuloa! Suomi on mahtava maa!” he replied. Miss Brown looked bewildered. She turned to Bobby.
“Don’t worry. He just said welcome, and that Finland was a beautiful country. Let me handle this!” Bobby said confidently. He had been taking Callan lessons in Finnish. He thought there was a use in learning languages that were little spoken in the world.
“Etsin Joulupukki:ia” he said to the Finn. I’m looking for Santa Claus.
“Aha, you speak very good Finnish! Because of this I will take you to see Santa. He is a close personal friend of mine. Come with me!” The Finn, who told them, his name was Jarkko, led them to a stable. There they climbed aboard three large reindeer, and began their journey into a dense forest outside the city. There was snow everywhere.

After a short time Jarkko bade them to halt. They dismounted, and continued forward by foot. Suddenly there was a roar, and before them stood a great lion. Miss Brown held Bobby tight. Jarkko spoke.
“Bobby, if you were walking through a forest and suddenly came across a lion, what would you do?”
“That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows that lions live in hot countries” Bobby said.
“What if we are in Narnia Bobby?” Miss Brown asked.
“Yeah right, and I believe there are people living on the other planets.”
“Well you had better believe it Bobby” the lion said.
“And you, mind your own business Mr Lion” Bobby replied. He then realised what he had just said, and stared open-mouthed.
“Come, and I will take you the rest of the way to Santa Claus” the lion said.

Do you speak English?

Conversation Club is this Saturday. See the secretaries for more details. Music Club is next week -- see posters in school for more information.

Puzzles
Replace each letter with the letter that precedes it in the alphabet, and then put the words into the right order:

JTO’U IPVTF CSPXO TUBOEJOH UIF NS CFIJOE



A farmer has to transport a fox, a goose and a sack of grain across a river. The boat is so small that there is room only for him and one of the others at a time, but if he leaves the fox and goose together the fox will kill the goose, and if the goose and the sack of grain are left together the goose will eat the grain. How does he get them all over?


Slang
The English language with its shoes covered in mud.

ain’t /eint/ contracted form of ‘are not’, also used for ‘am not’ and ‘is not’ e.g. you ain’t Mr Brown; he ain’t going. It can also be used for ‘have not’ and ‘has not’ e.g. I ain’t got a car.

doolally /du:΄læli/ mad, crazy e.g. Mr Brown ain’t doolally.

The Adventures of Bobby Callan #17

Finland, land of the Finns; the home of Nokia, Santa Claus, and the sauna. Bobby and Miss Brown floated down from the cloud that had transported them from England. It had been a smooth and comfortable ride, much like rolling along in a car. Bobby imagined that they were somewhere near the capital, Helsinki, judging by the amount of traffic and buildings.
‘What are we to do now?’ asked Miss Brown. Bobby noted her use of the verb “to be” for when we ask about what is possible.
‘Let’s eat,’ Bobby replied enthusiastically. Miss Brown’s eyes travelled to the sky, not literally, of course.
He’s always thinking about food, she thought.

After eating Karjalanpiirakka, a traditional Finnish pastry that neither of them could pronounce the name of, they decided to visit one of the local saunas. Sitting there, naked, surrounded by strangers only just visible through the steam of the sauna, Bobby began to reminisce about his journey so far. He had travelled to England, Argentina, Thailand, and now he was in Finland; but still he was not any closer to finding Robin. He was even starting to doubt that he would ever find him; it was like searching for a needle in a haystack, like searching for someone that didn’t even exist. Then suddenly, as if in a dream, a figure appeared before him. It was Bertrand Russell.
‘You must travel north, young Bobby,’ Bertrand said, and then disappeared almost as quickly as he had appeared. Bobby rubbed his eyes. It can’t have been real, he thought.
‘What’s the matter?’ Miss Brown asked him.
‘Nothing,’ Bobby said. He didn’t want her to think that he was doolally, although she probably already thought so. ‘Why don’t we go to Lapland?’
‘Santa Claus lives there, doesn’t he?’ Miss Brown asked. She had used a tail question in the negative, and so Bobby knew that she was expecting a positive answer.
‘Yes, he does,’ he replied.
‘Great! I’ve always wanted to meet Santa Claus,’ she said excitedly.

They washed before dressing (if they had dressed before washing it would have been like putting the cart before the horse i.e. to do something first which should be done second) and went outside. Bobby took out the magic wand and started waving it about in the air.
‘Take us to Lapland,’ he said. Nothing happened. ‘We want to meet Santa Claus.’ Still nothing.
‘You’re not doing it right,’ Miss Brown said. Then Bobby realised he had run out of magic credits.
‘It’s useless,’ Bobby said. ‘We’ll have to take a train instead.’
They hurried off to the train station.



Next week: Bobby and Miss Brown meet Santa Claus, but will they find Robin Callan? Read next week’s episode to find out…