This week we have two exciting clubs for you to attend. How lucky you are!

Join Ryan and Tom for Snooker/Pool Club on
Thursday 9:30pm at Club Not,ul. Gornych Wałów...

or if you fancy learning Tai Chi, Marshall’s club is on Saturday at

3:15pm in room 7.
Sign up in the secretaries’ office.

Word of the day: Kick

The word “kick” means “to strike with the foot or feet”. It can also be used in the following ways:

1. To give up or break (a drug addiction) e.g. has he kicked the habit?
2. To be actively or vigorously involved e.g. he's still alive and kicking.
3. To relax e.g. let’s just kick back and enjoy the weekend.
4. To initiate or begin e.g. the meeting kicks off at 3pm.
5. “To kick the bucket” means “to die” e.g. he kicked the bucket last week.
6. “To get a kick out of something” means that you enjoy it.

So, now you can say: I like to kick back and read the Adventures of Bobby Callan; I really get a kick out of it :)

The Adventures of Bobby Callan #16

Miss Brown was standing outside the Cavern Club in Liverpool, clutching the signed copy of the Beatles’ first album. Bobby was asleep inside her pocket; he would soon be transformed back into a Callan teacher by Harry Potter (note the use of the passive voice in the previous sentence).
Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning followed by a clap of thunder. The small, bespectacled figure of Harry Potter appeared.
‘Well done,’ he said, taking the album from her; ‘you have completed the task, but before I turn Bobby back into a Callan teacher you must answer this question: To show that something matters to us very much, we might say “I’d go right to the ends of the earth for it”, but could we, in fact, go right to the ends of the earth?’
‘No,’ she replied; ‘because, being round, the earth has no ends, and we would finish up at the point from which we started.’
Harry nodded in approval and waved his magic wand in the air. Miss Brown took the sleeping frog from her pocket and watched carefully as it began to change into human form. Fascinating, she thought; even frogs can become Callan teachers. Bobby, now awake, turned to face Harry and wondered if it was possible to kill a man with one’s bare hands; that is, without using a weapon of any kind. A swift punch to the jaw sent Harry falling to the ground unconscious (Bobby had been taught to box at school, contrary to the popular belief that boys ought not to be taught how to box at school).
‘Oh no!’ exclaimed Miss Brown. ‘You shouldn’t’ve done that.’ Bobby noted her use of a double contraction. ‘How will we get back to Thailand?’
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, waving the magic wand in the air. Bobby had no idea what he was doing, and instead of transporting them both back to Thailand, he turned the unconscious Harry Potter into a banana. ‘Be careful with that thing,’ Miss Brown told Bobby. He picked up the banana and put it in his pocket. I’ll eat it later, he thought.

They sold the Beatles LP for the princely sum of one thousand pounds to a man who had once fallen asleep in a room where a gas pipe had broken. Miss Brown’s mission had certainly not been in vain.

After contacting the Callan headquarters via Skype, they learned that Robin Callan was now somewhere in Scandinavia, his exact location a mystery. ‘So, what’ll it be?’ asked Miss Brown; ‘Sweden, Norway, Denmark or Finland?’ Perhaps Robin Callan is in Finland, Bobby thought; Finland being one of the coldest countries in the world and the perfect holiday retreat for masochistic authors of English books. He held the wand high in the air and began to chant:

“Pins and needles,
needles and pins;
take us both
to the land of the Finns!”

The sky darkened; Miss Brown looked up and saw a huge cloud. They both slowly began to rise into the air. Passers-by looked on in disbelief as two figures disappeared into the cloud which then hurried away at high speed.‘We’re going to Finland!’ Bobby mumbled excitedly through a mouthful of banana. Harry Potter tastes good, he thought.

Hello, and welcome to another edition of the immensely popular Speedo! I just want to start by saying thank you to all those who read us online, we have over 6000 views since the counter began last June! Keep on reading!

There is very little happening in the school this week. The kids are away, and I must confess that I miss them. Don’t tell them I said that! We do, however, have a teacher birthday… Paul will be having another thirty-something birthday on Saturday, so if you see him, don’t forget to wish him “many happy returns of the day!”

THIS WEEK IN HISTORY…

21 Jan – Martin Luther King Day
This is a day to celebrate the birth date of Dr. King, the famous American Civil Rights activist. It is always on the third Monday of January. It is a national holiday in America.

22 Jan – The January Uprising
This was the longest uprising by Poland, Belarus and Lithuania against the Russian Empire. Originally it was a protest by young Polish men against being forced to join the Russian Army.

23 Jan – The Second Partitioning of Poland AND The Warsaw Ghetto Uprising
In 1793, Russia and Prussia divided Poland between themselves after Poland was forced into an alliance with its enemy, Prussia, in 1790. The same day in 1943, Jewish people decided to rebel against their German oppressors in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising.

24 Jan – The Assassination of Caligula
In 41AD, the Roman Emperor Caligula was stabbed by a group of conspirators. He was known to be a very cruel and violent man, and once thought of himself as a god…

25 Jan - The First Telephone Company
In 1881, Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell formed the world’s first telephone company, the Oriental Telephone Company. 34 years later, on the same day, Bell spoke to his assistant over a 3,400 mile wire, from New York to San Francisco.

26 Jan - Australia Day
The official national day of Australia, this commemorates the establishment of a settlement at Port Jackson in 1788. The area became known as New South Wales.

27 Jan – The First Television Broadcast
In 1925, John Logie Baird demonstrated television images to members of the Royal Institution and a newspaper reporter. Where would we be without television today?

The Adventures Of Bobby Callan – Part Fifteen

Miss Brown was halfway down the mountain path when she had an idea. She turned on her heels and ran back up to where Harry Potter was drinking some strange cloudy liquid.
“What are you drinking Harry?” Miss Brown asked.
“I think they call it lao khao. Something like moonshine, so I’ve been told” he replied.
“Why on earth are you doing drinking that? You are only fifteen or so! What’s the legal age in Thailand for drinking alcohol?”
“I couldn’t care less, I am Harry Potter and can do anything I want!” Harry said, petulantly.
“So I’ve been told… And yes, that was sarcasm. Anyway, that is why we are back. You said you can do anything you want, right? You are to use your magic wand and teleport us to Liverpool.” Miss Brown demanded. Harry noted the use of to be for when something has been planned or ordered. He smiled, and remembered a Callan lesson he had once had at Hogwarts. He had turned the teacher into a dung beetle, just for fun.
“Ok, fine. Just close your eyes. I’m not sure why you would want to go to Liverpool, the place is full of Scousers and an awful football team..”

Miss Brown opened her eyes, and found she was standing inside Anfield, right in the middle of a football match. She began walking off the field, when a ball rolled her way. Steven Gerrard, that Scouse footballing icon, shouted over.
“ ‘Ere miss, if you are walking across a park and a ball rolls your way, do you kick it back to its owner or do you pick it up and throw it back?”
“I always pick it up, because I am not allowed to get my shoes dirty. If I do I have to clean them myself” she shouted back, then picked up the ball. The referee blew the whistle.
“PENALTY TO NEWCASTLE!” he shouted. Miss Brown was wearing a red pullover, and was inside the penalty area. Michael Owen buried the resulting spot-kick.
“Aww, thanks miss, you’ve just lost us the game…’ Gerrard said, unhappily. To make things worse, the referee showed Miss Brown a red card.
“I don’t care, I’m leaving anyway” she said.

She made her way to The Cavern, that famous club where the Beatles played many, many times. She remembered an old picture of it on the wall in Room 11. She went in and saw someone who looked like Sir Paul McCartney.
“Excuse me, are you Sir Paul McCartney?” she asked.
“Yes, I am, who is asking?” Famous people are always rude, she thought.
“My name is Miss Brown. I have a huge favour to ask. Do you know where I can get a signed copy of your first LP? Harry Potter turned my friend Bobby Callan into a frog, and the album is the only way to get him back.”
“Did you say Bobby Callan? Relative of the great Robin Callan?” he asked.
“Er.. yes. Were were in the middle of looking for Robin when Harry became a nuisance. Can you help us?” Miss Brown asked, surprised.
“Sure I can. I just so happen to keep a copy here just in case I become too greedy and lose all my money, friends and everything else I have gained. But that isn’t going to happen, because I am Sir Paul McCartney! So I will give you my copy. I knew Mr Callan, he gave Callan lessons to fans after a gig in Madagascar last month. He sponsored me, because he is a huge fan of The Beatles. It is signed by everyone. I just have one request. Find him, and tell him he owes me fifty pounds.”
“Sure, that’s easy” Miss Brown said, and left the Cavern Club with the album.

Saturday was the Speed staff & student party at Babilon.

Papilla was there, as were a lot of students. I have never seen so many good dancers together in the same room before, and not a sober one amongst them.

The best party yet, in my opinion.

Tongue twister of the week:

There was a fisherman named Fisher
Who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
(a fissure is a large crack, or hole in the ground)

The Adventures of Bobby Callan #14

At that moment, a queer (that is peculiar) feeling gripped Bobby. He turned around and saw that Bertrand Russell had disappeared. Bobby’s heart sank; he had become quite attached to the quirky, self-proclaimed philosopher, despite his madness and unpleasant body odour. Miss Brown, however, was glad he had gone.
“Tell me a geographical fact,” she said, as they started to walk up the mountain path that was to lead them to Robin Callan.
“Mt. Everest is the highest mountain in the world,” Bobby replied. “Tell me a mathematical fact.”
“Two plus two equals five,” Miss Brown replied.
Either she’s gone round the bend or she’s quoting George Orwell’s classic, Nineteen Eighty-Four, he thought. He hoped the latter to be the case.
Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning followed by a crack of thunder. Light travels faster than sound, thought Bobby; and this is why we see the flash before hearing the thunder. A figure emerged from the fog in the distance. Bobby could see it was a boy, roughly the same size as Master Brown.
“Harry Potter!” Miss Brown said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve no idea,” Harry replied. “It was the writer’s decision.”
“I had a dream about you in episode three,” said Bobby.
“Yes, I know,” said Harry. “I turned you into a frog.”
“Do you believe it’s possible to lay a curse upon someone?” Bobby asked.
“Not really. That’s black magic, or voodoo. I don’t do voodoo.”
“Well, what do you do if you don’t do voodoo?”
“I cast spells.”
“Can you spell words?”
“Of course,” he said arrogantly. “I can do anything.”
“OK then,” said Bobby. “Spell the word, bollocks.”
Harry looked at him strangely and then began to spell the word.
“B-O-L-O-C-K-S”
“Wrong! Bollocks has two L’s.” Bobby started laughing. Harry was a little upset to say the least; he didn’t like being laughed at. He began to shake his magic wand in the air.
“What are you doing? What are you doing?” Miss Brown asked, but before anybody could do anything, Harry turned Bobby into a frog, just like in his dream except that now it was for real.
“Ha ha ha!” Harry laughed. “Now who’s laughing?”
“Bollocks!” Bobby croaked.
Miss Brown was shocked. She pleaded with Harry to turn Bobby back into a Callan teacher, but he flatly refused.
“First you have to do something for me,” Harry said. “Go and get me a signed LP of the Beatles’ first album. You have twenty-four hours. If you fail this task, Bobby will remain an amphibian for the rest of his life.”
Miss Brown put Bobby into her pocket before hurrying back down the mountain path.
“What’s it like being a frog?” she asked.

“C’est pas mal,” he replied.

This week’s edition by: David

Hello, good evening and welcome to the first Speedo of the New Year. We hope you had a great Christmas, a not-too-drunken “Sylwester” and a good start to 2008. It’s all happening thick and fast in the next few weeks, so read on for information on cool events!

--THE SPEED SCHOOL PARTY—

This is the last chance to sign up for the Christmas Party (which is a little late this year), so get yourselves to the secretaries as soon as possible! It takes place this Saturday (12th January) at Club Babilon, starting at 8pm. There will be fun, games and cool live music from Marcin and his group, Papilla. Apparently I am the MC (guy on the microphone), so that is always good for a laugh…

ALSO COMING UP…

This weekend sees Cinema Club with myself and Chris. This month we are going to see a film called National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets with Nicholas Cage. Sign up with the secretaries, and meet at the cinema at 1.30pm on Sunday 13th January. There is also Hiking Club on Saturday, with Paul, and Matt’s lecture on Canada coming up. See the posters at school for more details!


TONGUE TWISTER OF THE WEEK: Try saying it quickly!!

A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.

The Adventures Of Bobby Callan – Part Thirteen

Bobby was puzzled. Was he really talking to Bertrand Russell (the famous philosopher)? Russell looked up and stared directly into Bobby’s eyes. Bobby felt ill at ease, as if the man was trying to delve into Bobby’s soul. He looked away.
“Bobby, do you believe that in the future it will be possible for a man to live until he is two hundred years old?
What a strange question. Bobby thought. I’ve heard that before but I can’t think where.
“No, of course not. Two hundred? You would look like Gandalf!”
“Well son, you better believe it. I, Bertrand Arthur William Russell was actually born in 1872, making me one hundred and thirty-five. I did not die, as is stated on Wikipedia, but I came here. I am also a Fellow of the Royal Society.”
If Bobby had any doubts as to this man’s insanity, then they had all but disappeared.
“I have you know I was also on the wireless for the BBC!”
Bobby had had enough. He began to tie the man’s hands behind his back, as that is the way prisoner is tied. Russell struggled, but was eventually overpowered when Miss Brown delivered a sharp kick to his knee. They marched through the jungle quickly.

After a while, they became lost. Russell was not helping them as he should.
“Bobby, when you lose your way in a large jungle, who do you ask?” Miss Brown asked.
“Well, I’m not sure..” Just at that moment, a man wearing a uniform appeared from behind a tree.
“Hello! I am Thaksin, of the Phetchaburi Tourism Office. How may I be of assistance?”
Bobby and Miss Brown just stared at him, while Russell began to dance up and down and scream like a parrot. Miss Brown slapped him across the face.
“Er… how do you do Mr Thaksin?” Bobby said. Then he remembered what to do when one meets someone for the first time. He held out his hand, to be shook by the guide, and repeated himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he shook hands with a person.
“How do you do, my name is Bobby Callan. We are looking for the caves near Phetchaburi. Would you be so kind as to help us?” Miss Brown noted the use of ‘would’ to be more polite.
“Oh, sure! I was just on my way there myself. I have to deliver this toasted cheese sandwich to an rather strange English man there. Follow me!” the guide said.

Some time later, the four found themselves deep below the jungle, in a massive cavern. Bertrand Russell had stopped screaming, and was now chanting some kind of mantra. What a strange man, Bobby thought. Perhaps he was dropped on his head as a child?
“How much farther do we need to go, Mr Thaksin?” Miss Brown asked. Bobby was surprised she had chosen to use ‘farther’ and not ‘further’, even though they mean the same.
“Oh, not far now. The English man should be just around this corner.” The guide replied. They turned a corner in a tunnel, and saw what looked to be some kind of settlement.
“What can you see in this room Bobby?” Miss Brown asked. Bobby smiled. An easy one.
“I can see a table, some chairs, some people and a strange-looking piece of paper on the wall” he replied. Miss Brown pulled the piece of paper from the wall. It was actually toilet roll. She read the text carefully, as the handwriting was quite awful.

“Dear all. I have left this cave to seek enlightenment in another place. I have learnt all I can here. If you would like to find me, you need to seek out the eagles atop the highest temple .Oh, and thanks for the toasted cheese sandwich. You can have it. I’m not hungry at the moment.”